9. The Decemberists - The King is Dead

Remember y'all. Fiction. I've just never written anything like this before, so I thought I would give it a go. I started this at 3 in the morning, so I guess you could tell where I got the idea. See the previous post for the project I'm working on and my current Top Ten Albums.


I drove slowly around the mall. The place was lit like a noir movie. Overhead lights were spread out just far enough for there to be spaces of pitch black. Each time I passed into a lit area, my eyes failed to constrict in time and I would be blinded for a moment. Light was a constant nuisance to me now that I had completely given up sleeping. It burned at my corneas and exacerbated the dryness that only someone who was an insomniac at my level really understands. I imagined it felt similar to the way someone trapped in a desert felt right before they died of heat exhaustion. But my insomnia was my own doing. I assumed it was the universe punishing me for what I had done, and for what I had planned to do.

I made another pass by the main entrance to search for the best point of entry. There was a set of double doors at the far end of the gray building that seemed the least busy, and probably the easiest to break into. Even this late at night it wasn't a complete ghost town. There were janitors and late night clerks and security guards scattered about. I wanted to do this at a time when I knew there would be the least amount of people. I had already hurt enough people. I didn't want to hurt them, I truly didn't. But I had no choice. I truly didn't. All I could do was hope.

I parked my car in the lower level of the parking garage. My hands shook as I stepped out into the cool night air. My eyes stung from the combination of exhaust fumes and frigid air. I strapped on my pack, making sure to keep the plunger secure in my right hand and took three deep breaths to hopefully calm my jitters. When that failed, I gripped the base of the plunger tighter and marched forward. I took the escalator to the street level, keeping my eyes closed the entire way up to hopefully give them at least a tiny reprieve. I crossed the parking lot and prepared to enter the building, when my phone began to buzz. Veronica. Against all of my best judgment, I answered.

"You can't do this," she shouted in between sobs.

"I see you found my note. This has to be done."

"I don't understand. What makes you think this is appropriate? What makes you think this is okay? How is this the right response?"

"There is no other response."

"No, don't you see, whatever is going on in your head, we can fix it. You and me. You're not
yourself; we can fix that."

I leaned against the building and closed my eyes I held my phone in my left hand and the plunger tight in my right.

"It can't be fixed. I can't be fixed. And the people whose lives I've ruined, they can't be fixed."

"Johnathan, whatever it is you think you've done, it pales in comparison to what you're planning on doing."

"No, don't you see? What I'm planning is simply to honor the others. They will get their due.
They won't have suffered in vain."

"It doesn't make sense. None of it. Not your note, not your plan, not what you're saying right now. You don't know what you're saying. No, please just come home. Get some sleep and we will face the challenge in the morning."

"Ha, sleep. That would do me a world of good. Unfortunately, that is just not allowed anymore."

"Then lets try pills. Let's try massage. Let's try whatever it takes to get you better."

"This is what will make me better. You don't understand. I have to go. Remember that I always loved you. And will always love you. All that I did was for you. Even when it doesn't seem like it or make sense to you."

"Johnathan, you have to come home. I love you, too. But I also had to do the right thing. Before I called you, I called the police. If you leave now, you can beat them and make it home, and we can handle all of this craziness on our own terms. If you stay, then I don't know what will happen."

"I know what will happen, Veronica. I know."

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. Then another. I let the phone slip out of my hand and heard as it cracked in half on the concrete. One last deep breath and I opened my eyes. In the distance, I could see the lights from what seemed like twenty police cars and heard the faint sirens growing louder and louder. I closed my eyes again and straightened my posture. The sirens came louder and louder before I heard the screeching of tires and the slamming of doors.

"Get down on the ground now," a shout came slightly from my right. I slowly raised my arms, still holding the detonator in my hand. The wind rushed past me, I assumed from the cars still flying into my general vicinity.

"Get down now!"

I straightened my arms showing off my wingspan. I figured if I was going to be a martyr, I might as well go out like one. I opened my eyes, but all I could see was the lights from the cars. The rest was a complete blur.

"Drop whatever is in your hand and get on the ground."

"I'm sorry, sir, I just can't." My thumb hovered over the red button. Now was as good a place as any to finish my plan. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but now I truly had no choice. I finally focused my eyes on what was before me. Several armed police officers were standing behind their patrol car doors with guns pointed directly at me. I glanced upwards just as a deliberate red light flashed in my eye. I then realized that some sort of laser site was pointed on my forehead. I knew the time was now. It was a race. Could I hit my button before they hit their trigger.

I closed my eyes again and took another deep breath. It seemed as if time had slowed down, but what sounded like a gunshot echoed through the night. Since I wasn't dead yet, I knew that time had slowed enough for me to just push that red button. But since I hadn't yet, I wondered if I even would. Could I do it? Would I do it? Was my plan actually worth it? Maybe I had overestimated what I had done and what I was capable of. But in the end, none of it really mattered. All I wanted at this point was to get some sleep. I lowered my arms and let time catch up to me.

Oh, and the new Decemberists album is pretty good and you should listen to it.